Get yourself back

Spending time towards oneself is very less or almost none. The current scenario of lifestyle manipulated many of us. Unfortunately, we don't know or feel this 'manipulative me' or we realise it is so late and difficult to come back even if we want. That means at one stage we are completely lost our own self, in a more simple sense our own individuality. Short term and uncertain pleasure and happiness is the major reason to 'lose our self'. Undeniably other factors too. Let us analyse this in a very practical sense. 

Reasons for loosening self:

1. Relationships: Humans are sensible and affectionate creatures. The combination of the human body and mind are operated by the networking system controlled by physiological and psychological factors. The relationship is not a one-way process. It is an obvious thing when two individuals getting closer together tend to give up or control one's own instincts and wishes for the other. Here the 'self' is sacrificed for the other for the sake of a relationship.

2. Parentral pressure: All children are unique and different in abilities and talents. Parenteral views are different from the children. For the sake of keeping the familial status or some other reasons, children are forced to be the victims of their parent's wishes. Here their self-interests and instincts are crushed by their own family whom they have to depend on mentally, physically, socially and economically till a certain stage.

3. Sitauationalship: Another 'ship' is added in our contemporary psychology. Many are the victims of the exposed situations. As we all know, external attractions are so much and readily available. These short term pleasurable actions make the individual 'just taste' at the beginning and lead to addiction. These addictions may vary like using drugs, sexual stuff, online gaming and others.

4. Personal goals: Goal setting is absolutely necessary for every individual. These goals are set by considering the individual abilities. setting the goals only based on the interests lead to underachievement or crashing self-esteem. In order to meet the target or goal the individual struggles by giving up his own 'self' and changing a lot.

5. Result of any impact: Life is so uncertain. Not everyone is having a strong mind. An incident, an image, a movie, a drama, literature, a person, a preacher can influence a person and make him lose his 'self'. This is clearly evidenced by comparing his or her past and post-life after the specific thing happened. 

suggestions to get yourself back:

1. Trust in yourself. Try to foresee the next stage of life by analysing the present scenario

2. Use your brain more than your heart in making decisions

3. Make your judgements genuinely not the way you want

4. Consider all the factors within you and your surrounding before taking a major step

5. Don't jump into anything to gain small and short term happiness or enjoyment. You may have to pay a heavy price for this. It is a warning for you

6. Try to grow strong principles and policies in your personal life. Remember, always self-disciplines brings you a lot of inner peace and harmony, only you yourself can feel it

7. Above all, any external, non-judgemental force is there to be at your side then utilise it. But it is the toughest task in the current scenario.

"Love, trust and treat yourself first before into others"

Model for the child's behaviour

Child-rearing practices are challenging. Understanding the child's psychology is not so easy task for parents. One among the most search area on google is child-rearing. Even a simple step or an effort helps the parents to obtain the great desired outcome. A classical example is written below.
I used to go to church with my family often. A small activity in his behaviour was bothering me. It was quite difficult for him to clap his hands during the songs session. Many times I told him and my wife too. But he didn't. I almost lost my hope for this corrective action.
It was a surprise that he started clapping on that particular day. I was happy and relieved. But I wanted to know the reason for his change. Because I couldn't correct him for months and now he has changed on his own. 
Every time during the singing session, I used to carry the songbook in my hands and sing. That particular day onwards there was a screen placed in front of us and we followed that. Hence, my hands were free to clap. when my son saw me was clapping he started doing the same. 
Here I learned a lesson. Before I try to correct any action in my son, I need to correct myslef!!!

Achievement

Chances are plenty

Opportunities are limited 

Everyone likes it

Many try for it

Few grab it

Success follows it

Humanitarian never dies

It was almost 6 pm. I was standing in front of a tea shop and enjoying my tea. Shop vendor was busy in the business and few like me were zipping the teacups.

Suddenly a man who was very shabbily dressed, malnourished and poorly groomed came towards me.  I was in confusion about whether to avoid him or attend to him. Others were also there, but he came directly to me.

I made a guess that he is hungry and asking me to get some snacks for him and I was not wrong. I went to the shopkeeper and paid for 2 vadas. The shopkeeper understood the purpose of my deal. I paid only for 2 vadas, but he put 4 in that parcel.

I gave it to the man who has approached me with some hope. His expressions through his eyes and face made me feel as if I have done something so great. I finished my tea and the shopkeeper and left.

The high light here is, a small and negligible initiation for the service to humankind makes many follow and involve the same.  I was highly motivated to do many more like this!!!

Learning

Familiarise the unfamiliar

Bad always first and good follows later

Faster in young and slow at old

Can be formal or casual

Possible by choice and chance

Makes the unknown into known

 

Trust: Sweet secret of a strong relationship

A relationship is an emotional pact between the individuals. It is a basic elementary requirement for a secured life. life without any relations are not considered as normal. Humans are social beings. A healthy life requires healthy relationships. Any form of relationship requires a certain amount of trust. The intensity of trust depends upon the nature of relationship. Relationship by blood doesn't require the trust much. Any other form of relationships established based on the ability of trust between the individual.

Trust is a firm belief in the reliability. In a practical sense, trust is confidence, faith and hope in something or with someone. It is a purely a psychological sense depends and vary from one person to another. Winning the trust of someone is not an easy task. Trust and relationship are having a positive direction of correlation. Not everyone is trust worthy to everyone. It is a 'selective sense' of everyone based on their own choice. 

Trust and Friendship

Friendship is unavoidable but optional in one's life. As long as we live in a society, friendship is a natural developmental happening at various stages. It starts from the stage of pre-nursery to almost a never-ending or not related to age factor. The journey of life gets an opportunity to interact and meet many through various sources like school, playmates, professional connections, fellow travellers, etc. Though many people are crossing and walking into our life, few are getting importance or winning our confidence.

First of all selection of friends is an important task. Friends are there to support, encourage, share and help in need. Superficial friends limited the interaction until the level of meeting their purpose. Deep friends are there to extent their hands in all situations no matter the result is success or failure. The beauty of 'genuine friendship' is developing the 'non-judgemental attitude'. Trust is the determining factor for the depth of friendship. Trust even covers up the negativities of friends.

Trust and familial relationship

Trust is a basic element much needed among the partners to make the husband and wife relationship to the next level, that is 'family as a unit'. Trust is not just thinking that the wife belongs to husband and husband belongs to wife. Above all, trust acts as a backbone for the intensity of closeness and intimacy among the couple. When the couple trusts each other, all other basic and higher activities in the family may move on smoothly and results in success and achievements.

Trust is a basic positive requirement among the partners to constitute a strong family.  Of course, it is not developing in a day or two. When the couple understands the importance of marriage, analyse the future and accepts the reality, makes them to develop a strong bonding between them. Whenever the challenges arise between the partners the trust on each other brings them together and repairing the damage.

Trust and current generation

Life style gets advanced day by day. It creates a lot of positive and negative mindset of younger generation. Generation gap is the major issue in a family between parents and children. Unfortunately trust is not considered as a major criterion for establishing a relationship. As we all know, lack of trust in relationship destroy it even before it starts. When a basement of relationship is not strong, results in challenges leading to severe mental damage. More than trusting, the other factors like money, physical appearance, and other attractive factors are playing important role in establishing a relationship. Another fact is that the stress tolerance among the younger generation has gone alarmingly down.

Trust and self 

Trust in self or self-belief is a pure psychological aspect and it is highly personalised. Some occasions, we are unable to develop trust even in genuine situations. This scenario is a result of previous mental traumas and presence of self doubts. When someone is unable to trust himself may develop 'mistrust' towards others. Feeling of insecurity, paranoid attitude and low self esteem are the results of 'lack of trust in self'. In simple words, negativity can be seen more among those who have self-doubts. Lack of self-trust suppress our energy, motivation, confidence and fails. Trust in our abilities is much needed and better than depending on or expecting other's help.

Finally, trust is a vital component of someone's comfort. Trust is a secret of happy and healthy relations. trust keeps moving the relationships so strong and steady. Remember the fact that some negative events are not the proven fact for generalisation. Positives and negatives, good and bad, right and wrong, best and worst happens always. Consider the positives, good, right and best. Learn from the negatives, bad, wrong and worst. Lead a balanced and peaceful life!

Body language – A language for better communication

Communication is essential in life to express one’s feelings and desires. Our needs are met through communication. It can be done in both formal and informal ways, based on the need. All of us know the importance of language in the process of communication. Along with language, bodily signs and expressions add the essence for communication. Communication without expressions and signs is considered ‘food without salt or sweet’. Body language is a part of non-verbal communication. Body language plays an important role while delivering a message more strongly. 

  

Based on research, 7% of our commination comes from verbal, 38% from vocal and the rest 55% expressed through body language. Body language increases the potential value of communication. Verbal communication is used primarily for conveying the information. Body language is used for negotiating interpersonal attitude and in some cases is used as a substitute for a verbal message. It is a skill of human to use behaviour and use different body movement to express feelings in communication. 

 

Four components of Body language:

1.      Body behaviour: Body behaviour can be understood is any of several changes in the physical location, place, or position of the material parts of the human form. It includes general appearance, body movement, posture, gesture, facial expression, eyes and gaze, touch and smell.

2.      Distance and space: The space between people keep when they communicate relies on the relationship between the speakers, insists of four zones: intimate zone (1-18 feet), personal zones for close friends (1.5-4 inches), social zone (4-12 inches) and public zone (over 12 inches). 

3.      Silence: Silence is also a part of speech. The silence can express the concerning of the communication we take part in. In general, silence indicates the time frame to express desire.

4.      Signs and symbols: Signs and symptoms are “a type of nonverbal communication form which can represent verbal communication”. They range from individualised expressions and national or internationally accepted signs (traffic signs)

 

Effects of body language in communication:

1.      Person’s appearance is the first impression; it gives the first impression to others judgement to talk or not with the strangers.

2.      Age, class, occupation are assessed by the way people dressing for themselves and project their pleasant appearance. 

3.      Body movement can show the attitude towards others, emotional state and the level of spirit. E.g: Showing low spirit by slumped posture.

4.      Silence results in providing ongoing interaction or feedback.

5.      Silence results in providing an interval in ongoing interaction or feedback

6.      Using signs and symptoms helps to get rid of the language barrier

7.      Eyes can express the real feelings

8.      Body language reflects the level of comfort of a person

9.      Adequate and appropriate body language of a teacher get more positive results among students in the teaching and learning process

10.                                  Expressions are incomplete without body language

 

Body language and culture

Body language may cause confusions by various cultural interpretations. Some of the signs are universally accepted. But not all. E.g: Sitting with crossed legs in front of elders is not acceptable in Tamil culture. Same way, using the left hand to hand over something to someone is considered as ‘disrespectful’. ‘Okay’ gesture stands for ‘all correct’ in general, but in some countries like France interpreted as ‘zero’ or ‘nothing’. It’s a difficult task for migrants to at the initial phase. 

All living species survive with the help of communication. Language is a great medium for everyone to communicate the conceived idea. It is a well-known fact that the language alone is inadequate for better communication. Body language reflects the state of mind. Body language is a great tool to influence others. 

“Action speaks more than words”