Trust: Sweet secret of a strong relationship

A relationship is an emotional pact between the individuals. It is a basic elementary requirement for a secured life. life without any relations are not considered as normal. Humans are social beings. A healthy life requires healthy relationships. Any form of relationship requires a certain amount of trust. The intensity of trust depends upon the nature of relationship. Relationship by blood doesn't require the trust much. Any other form of relationships established based on the ability of trust between the individual.

Trust is a firm belief in the reliability. In a practical sense, trust is confidence, faith and hope in something or with someone. It is a purely a psychological sense depends and vary from one person to another. Winning the trust of someone is not an easy task. Trust and relationship are having a positive direction of correlation. Not everyone is trust worthy to everyone. It is a 'selective sense' of everyone based on their own choice. 

Trust and Friendship

Friendship is unavoidable but optional in one's life. As long as we live in a society, friendship is a natural developmental happening at various stages. It starts from the stage of pre-nursery to almost a never-ending or not related to age factor. The journey of life gets an opportunity to interact and meet many through various sources like school, playmates, professional connections, fellow travellers, etc. Though many people are crossing and walking into our life, few are getting importance or winning our confidence.

First of all selection of friends is an important task. Friends are there to support, encourage, share and help in need. Superficial friends limited the interaction until the level of meeting their purpose. Deep friends are there to extent their hands in all situations no matter the result is success or failure. The beauty of 'genuine friendship' is developing the 'non-judgemental attitude'. Trust is the determining factor for the depth of friendship. Trust even covers up the negativities of friends.

Trust and familial relationship

Trust is a basic element much needed among the partners to make the husband and wife relationship to the next level, that is 'family as a unit'. Trust is not just thinking that the wife belongs to husband and husband belongs to wife. Above all, trust acts as a backbone for the intensity of closeness and intimacy among the couple. When the couple trusts each other, all other basic and higher activities in the family may move on smoothly and results in success and achievements.

Trust is a basic positive requirement among the partners to constitute a strong family.  Of course, it is not developing in a day or two. When the couple understands the importance of marriage, analyse the future and accepts the reality, makes them to develop a strong bonding between them. Whenever the challenges arise between the partners the trust on each other brings them together and repairing the damage.

Trust and current generation

Life style gets advanced day by day. It creates a lot of positive and negative mindset of younger generation. Generation gap is the major issue in a family between parents and children. Unfortunately trust is not considered as a major criterion for establishing a relationship. As we all know, lack of trust in relationship destroy it even before it starts. When a basement of relationship is not strong, results in challenges leading to severe mental damage. More than trusting, the other factors like money, physical appearance, and other attractive factors are playing important role in establishing a relationship. Another fact is that the stress tolerance among the younger generation has gone alarmingly down.

Trust and self 

Trust in self or self-belief is a pure psychological aspect and it is highly personalised. Some occasions, we are unable to develop trust even in genuine situations. This scenario is a result of previous mental traumas and presence of self doubts. When someone is unable to trust himself may develop 'mistrust' towards others. Feeling of insecurity, paranoid attitude and low self esteem are the results of 'lack of trust in self'. In simple words, negativity can be seen more among those who have self-doubts. Lack of self-trust suppress our energy, motivation, confidence and fails. Trust in our abilities is much needed and better than depending on or expecting other's help.

Finally, trust is a vital component of someone's comfort. Trust is a secret of happy and healthy relations. trust keeps moving the relationships so strong and steady. Remember the fact that some negative events are not the proven fact for generalisation. Positives and negatives, good and bad, right and wrong, best and worst happens always. Consider the positives, good, right and best. Learn from the negatives, bad, wrong and worst. Lead a balanced and peaceful life!

Body language – A language for better communication

Communication is essential in life to express one’s feelings and desires. Our needs are met through communication. It can be done in both formal and informal ways, based on the need. All of us know the importance of language in the process of communication. Along with language, bodily signs and expressions add the essence for communication. Communication without expressions and signs is considered ‘food without salt or sweet’. Body language is a part of non-verbal communication. Body language plays an important role while delivering a message more strongly. 

  

Based on research, 7% of our commination comes from verbal, 38% from vocal and the rest 55% expressed through body language. Body language increases the potential value of communication. Verbal communication is used primarily for conveying the information. Body language is used for negotiating interpersonal attitude and in some cases is used as a substitute for a verbal message. It is a skill of human to use behaviour and use different body movement to express feelings in communication. 

 

Four components of Body language:

1.      Body behaviour: Body behaviour can be understood is any of several changes in the physical location, place, or position of the material parts of the human form. It includes general appearance, body movement, posture, gesture, facial expression, eyes and gaze, touch and smell.

2.      Distance and space: The space between people keep when they communicate relies on the relationship between the speakers, insists of four zones: intimate zone (1-18 feet), personal zones for close friends (1.5-4 inches), social zone (4-12 inches) and public zone (over 12 inches). 

3.      Silence: Silence is also a part of speech. The silence can express the concerning of the communication we take part in. In general, silence indicates the time frame to express desire.

4.      Signs and symbols: Signs and symptoms are “a type of nonverbal communication form which can represent verbal communication”. They range from individualised expressions and national or internationally accepted signs (traffic signs)

 

Effects of body language in communication:

1.      Person’s appearance is the first impression; it gives the first impression to others judgement to talk or not with the strangers.

2.      Age, class, occupation are assessed by the way people dressing for themselves and project their pleasant appearance. 

3.      Body movement can show the attitude towards others, emotional state and the level of spirit. E.g: Showing low spirit by slumped posture.

4.      Silence results in providing ongoing interaction or feedback.

5.      Silence results in providing an interval in ongoing interaction or feedback

6.      Using signs and symptoms helps to get rid of the language barrier

7.      Eyes can express the real feelings

8.      Body language reflects the level of comfort of a person

9.      Adequate and appropriate body language of a teacher get more positive results among students in the teaching and learning process

10.                                  Expressions are incomplete without body language

 

Body language and culture

Body language may cause confusions by various cultural interpretations. Some of the signs are universally accepted. But not all. E.g: Sitting with crossed legs in front of elders is not acceptable in Tamil culture. Same way, using the left hand to hand over something to someone is considered as ‘disrespectful’. ‘Okay’ gesture stands for ‘all correct’ in general, but in some countries like France interpreted as ‘zero’ or ‘nothing’. It’s a difficult task for migrants to at the initial phase. 

All living species survive with the help of communication. Language is a great medium for everyone to communicate the conceived idea. It is a well-known fact that the language alone is inadequate for better communication. Body language reflects the state of mind. Body language is a great tool to influence others. 

“Action speaks more than words”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Insecurity - An enemy within the self

Every one of us living in a world where a lot of options and choices. All are blessed with our abilities and talents to lead our life. Scientific advancements and technology makes our life more sophisticated and gets a platform to practice our abilities. Individual interests and preferences are varying and results in choosing of different educational, career and entertaining options. Owning of costly and sophisticated materials bring us comfort, but one can not deny the role of emotions on the process of gaining satisfaction.

 

We live in a world of competition. Every one of us involved with some kind of competition by knowingly or unknowingly. Some occasions we are not even knowing our competitor. Not always the results are good and happen in a way we want. Moreover, often we compare our self with others. Unfortunately, for the first stroke of our eyes, the positives and achievements of others will be seen. Making the comparison brings a challenge for our self-esteem and reflected in the form of personal insecurity. 

 

Insecurity results in low self-esteem, low self-confidence. It brings a lot of negative thoughts. All of our positivity gets suppressed and negativity takes over. Overall, ending up with a failed attempt or escape from the attempt. There is no chance of achievement. Individual abilities get suppressed and even results in severe mental damage. Some of the real individual feelings as a result of insecurity are listed below:

· I am good for nothing; I am stupid

· I am unattractive; no one ever wants to be good with me

· I never get anything right with my attempts

· I am not like other people; I can’t do or perform like others

· I am a failure

· I am a loser

· I can’t make any friends, even I make I can’t maintain

· I never be able to quit drinking, smoking or overcome any kind of addiction

· I never accomplish anything.

This kind of negative thoughts comes in mind so often and force to pull out from our productive activities like quitting the job, discontinuation of studies, out of relationship etc.

 

Insecurity can be reflected in many areas of life. Some times it may affect the selected areas only. It varies from person to person. Here the fact is the person’s inner sense feel negatively and finding it difficult to change the attitude. Many insecure individuals seeking even therapies nowadays. 

 

Common areas of insecurity

• Generalised Insecurity involves with all moments, initiations and activities of life 
• Insecurity about workplace and responsibilities
• Insecurity over personal relationships
• Insecurity about the future, commonly seen in young adults

 

Suggestions to overcome insecurity

Insecurity is an inner, negative feeling. Only the person can feel the intensity of his or her problem, many occasions it can not be identified or treated better by others. Trained professionals deal with this condition better. But there are some easy ways to overcome on our own.

1. Deal back to your inner critic: Whenever the negative thoughts come in mind, talk yourself that you are strong enough to find the way. Remind yourself there is no gain by keeping a negative thought. 

2. Pre-plan the conversations or activities: There are some situations you may not be comfortable or challenging. It is always better to do some homework before facing them. Pre preparation helps in avoiding embracing moments eventually leading to a question mark in your confidence level.

3. Avoid social situations that make things worse for you: It is better to avoid the presence of conflicting situations. Arguments or compelling to use the physical force worsen the state of mental equilibrium and results in damaging the self-confidence and feels insecure.

4. Setting the limited, realistic goal: Every one of us has our aspirations. There is no limit on our aspirations and imaginations. But the aim or goal in life should be based on realistic. Setting up the goals step by step is the wisest way of achieving a secured future.  

5. Focus on self not on others: Your life is there for you to live. Comparing yourself with another is not a better choice of an idea. Only a few characteristics of an individual is visible outwardly. Hence focus on yourself and make your better choices and decisions.

6. Try to have a good circle around you: Selection of friend or friendship circle is so important in life. Genuine friends never judge. You do right or wrong they support. You can very well share your insecurities and get better suggestions for your challenges.

7. Approach the professionals: It is always good to get the opinions of experts belongs to mental health. They can help you to overcome your insecure feelings professionally. You can minimise your negative thoughts or replace them with the positivity and move on.

 

Insecurity is an inner threat. It occurs in different forms on different occasions. Day to day challenges makes us feel insecure. Insecurity about the next stage of life is a common challenge. Some times it may even lead to self-destructive thoughts and attempts. There is nothing to get panic or feel very low when you face challenges or failures. Consider them as a good learning experience and move on. Trust yourself first, look back your achievements so far, your interest, your will power is well enough to construct your great future!

 

 

Personal charisma – Internal force needed for external strength

 Every individual is unique to have different likes, dislikes, taste, etc. The same way their behaviours and actions differ and having their way of expressions. It may be liked or followed or disliked and unnoticed by others. In general, an individual survives in society by gaining social acceptance. Every individual is having his or her charisma. ‘Charisma’ is the ability of an individual to influence others and rarely discussed concept in general. 

It is necessary to mention about charismatic leadership before discussing individual charisma for easy understanding. Some leaders have more charismatic power, in otherwise they have the ability of high influence on others which made many to accept and follow them. Religious and political leaders are falling the list. Success depends on the level of charisma what they possess. It is always misunderstood that only the leaders and managers have the charismatic ability. But the truth is that everyone is having the personal charisma.

 

Personal charisma is a constellation of complex and sophisticated social and emotional skills. Charismatic individuals affect and influence others at a deep emotional level, to communicate effectively with them, and to make strong interpersonal connections. It is more powerful since the emotion is involved. As we all know emotional aspect always acts like an essence for our actions. 

 

Components of personal charisma:

Expression of emotions: There is a spontaneous expression of feelings in charismatic individuals. They genuinely express. This allows them to affect the moods and emotions of others unconsciously. A charismatic person typically expresses positive affect and can make a difference while entering into or joining with a group.

Sensitivity: This is the ability to read others' emotions and allows the charismatic person to make an emotional connection by responding to their feelings. A person who is interested in human interactions and understands the feelings of others go into the stage of sensitiveness. It is a normal human tendency to follow someone who reflects sensitivity towards our sensitive feelings.

Control on emotions: Charismatic individuals can control and regulate their emotional displays. There is no acting or underacting in their expressions. They have good command in their emotions and project the exactly needed emotions required. 

Social interaction: Charismatic people are skilled and entertaining conversationalists. They certainly affect us with their emotional expressiveness. It is not just entertaining but there is also power in their words. Nearly all charismatic leaders are effective public speakers to pull the crowd.

 

Six measuring units of individual charisma:

Based on the following 6 points an individual’s charisma can be measured.

1.      Level of influencing others

2.      Confidence in eye contact and smile even with strangers

3.      Ability to take leadership in a group

4.      Readiness to establish relations 

5.      Respect the fellow humans

6.      Make others feel his or her presence in a group

 

Suggestions for developing personal charisma:   

• Be attentive and focus your presence: Physical presence is not enough but mental presence is much needed. People around us must feel our involvement in conversations and observations. All of our senses are expected to be more active.
• Personal physical comfort: You need to have a high level of comfort. This state can be achieved by well dressed, well-groomed and have a pleasant appearance.
• Turn off or keep away your devices: it is a human tendency to check with our mobile or tablet or other devices while communicating with the group. Turn off or keep it in the silence of our devices are the best way of making ourselves to be attentive and concentrate much on the group activity. 
• Maintain eye contact: Eye contact is the basic requirement for better communication. Eye to eye contact reflects the warmth, competency, confidence, sincerity, honesty and emotional stability. It enhances our charisma.
• Show active signs of listening: Active listening means not just listening to someone by our hearing sense. Nodding of head, smiling and appropriate facial expressions make others to feel that you are active and have the interest to listen.
• Be practical and reality-oriented as much as possible: There is no need for hiding and hyping anything. Accept your failures and be genuine in all of your efforts. That is the real influencing factor.

 

Every one of us is having the ability to influence others, that is called ‘personal charisma’. Those who are identifying their charisma and channelizing it becomes leaders and achievers. We should not stop with admiring the charisma of others but to internalise those traits within us. Identify your strengths and try to be genuine. Gain your charisma and get to be identified.

 

Body Image – Self-belief for confidence

Every person has a self-value or a sense of self-worth. In a psychological form, it is called ‘Self-esteem’. It includes the self-belief on our abilities, our appearance and worth. Personal appearance is an important component in self-esteem which has close connectivity with mental health. Concept of body image is not very often discussed openly. But every individual aware of their physical image and reflects in their actions.

‘Body image’ is an individual perception of one’s appearance. It is not just seeing ourselves in the mirror or looking at our picture. It is a mental picture what we have about ourselves. There is no doubt that all want to have a good appearance. It enhances the self-confidence of an individual. Youngsters have more concern than middle and old aged. Some of them are so obsessed. Excessive attachment and attractiveness towards fashion and bodybuilding makes the youngsters to overly obsessed and generate stress among them.

 

Four components of body image:

1.        The way we perceive ourselves: It is an individual’s perception or how one individual sees himself. There is a possibility that the perception is wrong. Thin body built person may perceive he or she is fat. It may be a right or wrong perception.

2.        The way we feel in actual: There are some ways of our feelings towards our appearance. Means, we like or dislike our look. The amount of like or dislike towards our body shape, size, weight, height and other features.

3.        Our thoughts and beliefs: It is a cognitive body image. Some people think if they have more muscle then looks good, some others believe they look good if they become thinner. 

4.        Our action with relation to our look: When someone is dissatisfied by his looks he may be involved with some strenuous harmful acts like vigorous exercises or skipping the food. Some may go into isolation since they conclude that he or she does not look good and no one likes him or her.

 

Facts related to negative body image:

•      Age: Crucial time for developing body image disturbance is late childhood and adolescence. Most of the eating disorders cases are falling in this age group.  

•      Gender: Adolescent girls are more prone to body image dissatisfaction than boys, but still the rates of body dissatisfaction in males are rapidly approaching that of females nowadays.  

•      Perfect personality traits – People with perfectionist personality traits develop more dissatisfaction than others and never compromise with what they have.

•      Bullied children – Children or young adolescents who are teased for their appearance, especially weight, regardless of actual appearance or weight, are at a greater risk of developing body dissatisfaction than those who are not. 

•      Peer pressure - When a person is in an environment in which people express body image concerns and model weight loss behaviours are more likely to develop body dissatisfaction regardless of actual appearance or weight.  

•      Body size - In our weight-conscious society, larger body size or thin increases risk of body dissatisfaction. Anything disproportionate with the height and weight leads to dissatisfaction.

•      Sexual orientation in males - Research shows that homosexual men are more vulnerable to body dissatisfaction and results in eating disorders. 

 

Suggestions to overcome body image issues:

·            Eat and move in a way that makes our brain and our body happy – not as a way to control our body shape. 

·            Focus on our positive qualities, skills and talents. They are more important than our looks.

·            Choose to be surrounded by positive people. Avoid or unfollow the one who is involving with body-shaming activities in social media.

·            Find out the reasons for the negative thoughts related to body image. Analysing the reasons helps to find the solution.

·            Set positive and realistic goals related to weight reduction. Unattainable goals increase the pressure and lead to stress.

·            Avoid unnecessary comparisons. Understand the fact that every individual is unique and every individual is having some capacity

 

 

Positive body image brings individual harmony and contributes a lot to self-confidence. A pleasant appearance and attitude are always needed to maintain our mental equilibrium. Over expectation and false comparisons about our appearance results in unwanted stress leads to eating disorders and body image disturbance. Be thankful for what we have and take efforts to maintain. Remember, personal appearance alone is not enough to achieve or prove ourselves.

 

Sibling rivalry – A big fight inside the home

 Modern familial system adopting the small family norm. The number of children is less compared to the previous generation. Many factors force the couple to have small families like social and economical. Having more than three children in a family make raising the eyebrows of many. ‘One child syndrome’ is the major issue associated with modern families. Having a sibling is always a blessing for another child for entire life. 

 

Children are the driving force in a family. It is always a human tendency to compare and compete. There are some common areas of competition between the children like getting more attention from parents, complete the task first and more appreciation from the elders. These common reasons force them to develop a sense of getting jealous with another. ‘Sibling jealousy’ is the first move before entering into the state of ‘Sibling rivalry’. 

 

Factors contributing to Sibling Rivalry

 

Birth Order of a Child: First born children tend to more participative in decision making along with parents results in having more power than the younger ones. The younger one is more emotional and tries to be more closed with parents. Whenever the younger one’s suggestions are considered more and elder one develops more attachment towards parents, the sibling jealousy starts and leads to rivalry.

Close spacing among siblings: Age gap between the siblings is a major factor. As the age gap increases there are less competition and difference in interests. 

Gender preferences by parents: Some parents express their gender preferences. They openly say to the daughter ‘we wish you were a boy’. Statements like this badly affect the girl child and develop rivalry towards her male sibling. 

Physical closeness: Intensity of sibling rivalry is more among the siblings who share a small room or small house. Here they always physically so close and always there is a chance of quarrels and conflicts.

Parenting skills: Overly strict and rigid parents make the children more submissive. But when they leave the children expresses the frustration among each other and results even in violent behaviours. Permissive parents offer more freedom results in uncontrollable behaviours among children. Both scenario there is a chance of developing unhealthy relationships among children.

 

Tactics reflected by the children due to sibling rivalry

Siblings provoke each other by some of the following actions. They may be more creative in this.

• Calling by names
• Stealing the things belong to another
• Blaming another for own mistakes
• Lying
• Arguing with another
• Spoiling or breaking the play materials of another
• Hitting 
• Hiding something important to another

These actions are more upsetting the parents and make them worry much. Some times it is so challenging and forced them to get the help of external resources.

 

Suggestions for parents to prevent and manage sibling rivalry 

• Encourage the elder child to help the younger
• Do not compare one child with another and avoid praising one and tease another
• Keep always out of the arguments among children
• Never encourage the violent attitude of any child inside the home
• Try to spend some with each child as much as possible
• Promote the spirit of unity by involving and sharing the household responsibilities equally at their level

 

 

Adult sibling rivalry

Quarrels and fights are common among siblings in a family. It is a day to day affair during childhood. Unfortunately, sibling jealousy, which is a hidden affair among the adult siblings, reflected as a sibling rivalry at some stage of life. Adult sibling rivalry badly affects familial health and equilibrium. There are so many reasons behind this. The pitiable fact is that the parents are in between their adult children and face emotional hardship. It is mainly witnessed among siblings by developing disputes and conflicts related to taking over the familial possessions and wealth. Overall, adult sibling rivalry no way contributing anything positively towards themselves, the younger generation, parents and other family members and society. 

 

Overall, sibling rivalry is a common unhealthy affair among the siblings. Parents are playing a vital role to identify and treat the sibling jealousy among the children so that there is a chance of preventing sibling rivalry in adulthood. Every one of us has a role in it. Many occasions knowingly or unknowingly we praise one sibling and never bother about the inner feelings of another. Every child is having their potentials, it is the responsibility of the parents, teachers, elders and society to help them to identify their strengths and get success. 

Make your passion as profession

 Life goes through the various process. Every stage of life demands certain progress. Progress is witnessed by achievements. When achievements are matched with the expectations or nearing the expected level, life seems like heading towards the positive direction. Choosing a career is a critical point in life. So many factors are closely associated with choosing the best options in life-related to our career. Selecting a suitable profession is the best ever decision in life because a major part of ‘life success’ comes out of professional achievements.

 

It is quite normal of getting anxious about the career point during the stage of a middle or late adolescent. There are a lot of options that make the youngster get confused. Moreover, the pressure from parents or the elders in the family adds more tension with regard to choosing the best option for a career. Many occasions the individual preferences and personality are completely forgotten while the important options are made and resulted in great challenges and difficulties in future.

 

Factors responsible for selecting the career for an individual:

·           Family members mainly parents and elders: Parents and elders in the family are so concerned about their children. Especially in the Indian scenario, major decisions in children’s life is made by them.

·           Social status: Choosing a profession is considered as a symbol of social status. Hence some are forced to opt with imitations.

·           Economic provisions: Economical factor is a major concern. Without economical security, no solid decisions can be taken.

·           Individual preferences: Individual preferences include self-interests and goals. When a person has a high level of self-interest the rate of achievement is positively correlated.

·           Available resources: Limited availability of resources forced an individual to satisfy with the options lower than his or her aspirations. 

 

The profession is closely associated with the social life of an individual. Always finding the right profession is a blessing. Professional options should be made based on the individual factors not by comparing anyone else or forced by someone. Self-interest is the personalized factor which is closely associated with the individual to make the right choice. Mostly the professions are chosen based on the economical advantage in the later stage of life. All should know the fact that not all professions may suit for everyone. More than the economical advantage or security there are other factors involved being successful in a profession.

 

Scientific advancements and Technology brings a lot of career options. But the over information makes confusing too. Previous generations were having limited options and it was quite easy for them to choose their career and stick on with that. Nowadays the overly available options make the individual to choose the best option without 100% acceptance. There is always a second thought whether the option is right or another could have been better. This attitude even results in changing the career in between.

 

Passion and Profession:

Every one of us has our own passion. Unfortunately, we are forced to sacrifice our passion for the sake of professional life. The profession always demands our mental and physical skills and a lot of time needs to be spent on that. Hence the passion may not be able to get the importance. The fact is whoever blessed with the passion as their profession may reach a peak in terms of achievement. Not all got the chance of turning their passion into profession. Others should learn the technique of balance their passion with profession. 

It is a fact that not all get an opportunity to turn their passion into a profession. There is no need of going into a negative mode. Try to practice your professional obligations wholeheartedly. Any point of time there will be a chance to express your passion and build your career. When the chance comes across to grab it. Try to develop a ‘never give up’ attitude. One day there will be a possibility of getting noticed for your passion. 

 

How to choose your career?

·           Identify your interests and strengths. Analyze the skills needed for the profession you aimed for. In case of having the required skills then that profession can be selected. 

·           Not only make the economical security in the future as a criterion to choose the profession. Maybe in the initial stages of professional life, one may get success but in the mid-age or later stage, it is difficult to sustain.

·           Try to gather and gain maximum knowledge about the professions in your options. Maximum knowledge minimizes the chances of wrongly selecting the career.

·           Be strong in your decisions. It is always a human tendency to look back or look into other options and get confused with we already made decisions.

·           Never compare or consider another person’s options. In fact, he or she is a completely different person than you. 

 

There is a common phrase: “Right person in a Right place”. Making the right choices always get us joy and satisfaction in life. When the right option is made to choose the profession the success follows. Otherwise, professional life would be more challengeable. Of course, all professions are demanding and challenging. Right options always make you overcome the challenges with success. 

 

“Love your Profession, Profession loves you back”